Izzyswartz's Blog

I watched the pilot episode of Glee when it premiered a few months before the show was to begin airing regularly. It was decent enough to at least give some time to the next few episodes. But by the end of episode two, I was getting a little uneasy. As I watched it, I was becoming aware of what the writers wanted me to feel—the good guy teacher to cheat on his evil wife with the gentle co-worker, and the main male character to cheat on his hypocritical Christian girlfriend with his female lead counterpart.It was one thing to want the characters in the show to do this thing or that, but I turned it off in the middle of a scene in which that male student finally decided to cheat on his girlfriend. It wasn’t because I was offended at the content before my eyes. Rather, in that moment, there was a transference of energy. I found myself thinking about whose girlfriend I should have stolen in high school and how easy and awesome it would have been.

Flash back to Nashville, May of 2009. I’m driving in a rental car, scanning radio stations. I stop on the local Christian station, and the female DJ is talking about the coming The Notebook: The Musical. She goes on to fawn over the romance in the story and how well it will be adapted to the stage. “But what about A Walk To Remember?” she says. “That would make a fantastic musical. I just loved how that made me feel. And, of course, Switchfoot would have to have some songs in it.”

There’s certainly a war against the prevalence of visual pornography in many corners of our society—especially in the Christian culture. There is an attempt to expose pornography for its promotion of unrealistic sexual expectations and exploitation of human sexuality. And that attempt is a very necessary one.

But what about the unhealthy emotional and relational expectations portrayed in so much of our media? Is there really much of a difference in the hyperbolized sexual imagery of typical pornography and the hyperbolized momentary emotional high felt in a romance film or romantic comedy that sends us looking for a “love” that doesn’t exist?

I heard an interview on NPR with a female author named Elizabeth Gilbert. She was talking about the proliferation of the “Soul Mate Complex” in our modern culture and how the film Jerry Maguire served to reinforce it with the now illustrious line, “You complete me.”

It’s not necessarily only the resulting effects of such a movie that parallels the traditional definition of pornography. Just as there is sexual excitement surrounding the mystery and allure of what flesh might be seen in a movie known for its racy reputation, so too are we drawn in with an anticipation for the emotional and physical high of a romance film.

As a result, we’re taught to crave the moment of romantic ecstasy or to live for the wedding day. We’re raised to think these are the real stories of love and relationship, and we’re confused when they are so few and far between that we aren’t sustained. So we turn back to that which led us to believe in this fantasy all along. And we’re left with an old woman sitting alone, in her love seat, in front of the television watching her “stories.”

Kids eventually understand that pumpkins don’t turn to glass carriages and Fairy Godmothers don’t grant wishes, but many girls never grow out of the idea that one day they will be rescued from reality by some magic and a fictitious prince. And little boys never live up to the fantasy of the mind or that they’re supposed to be that prince and that their spouse is an all-fulfilling princess.

Next time you’re thinking about seeing a movie, be aware of what’s pulling you toward it. If you decide to watch it, recognize the moment when you feel the emotional reinforcement of fake love. And when you walk out, recognize what you now hope for and expect.

There is such a thing as love. There are beautiful moments. But love is about life. And life is about the long haul.

Cole NeSmith is a pastor at Status in Orlando and creator of Uncover The Color.

“Referring to this time of crisis she writes: “At the close of a very dark and gloomy day I lay resting on my couch as the deeper night drew on, and though all was bright with in my cozy little room, some of the external darkness seemed to have entered into my soul and obscured its spiritual vision. Vainly I tried to see the hand which I knew held mine and guided my fog-enveloped feet along a steep and slippery path of suffering. In sorrow of heart I asked, “Why does my Lord thus deal with His child? Why does he so often send sharp and bitter pain to visit me? Why does he permit lingering weakness to hinder the sweet service I long to render to His poor servants?’ These fretful questions were quickly answered, and though in a strange language, no interpreter was needed save the conscious whisper of my own heart. “For a while silence reigned in the little room, broken only by the crackling of an oak log burning on the hearth. Suddenly I heard a sweet, soft sound, a little, clear, musical note, like the tender trill of a robin beneath my window. ‘What can it be? “I said to my companion, who was dozing in the firelight; ‘surely no, bird can be singing out there at this time of the year and night!’ We listened, and again heard the faint plaintive notes, so sweet, so melodious, yet mysterious enough to provoke for a moment our undisguised wonder. Presently my friend exclaimed, ‘ It comes from the log on the fire!!’ and we soon ascertained that her surprised assertion was correct. The fire was letting loose the imprisoned music from the old oak’s inmost heart. Perchance he had garnered up this song in the days when all went well with him, when birds twittered merrily on his branches, and the soft sunlight flecked his tender leaves with gold; but he had grown old since then and hardened; ring after ring of knotty growth had sealed up the long-forgotten melody until the fierce tongues of the flames came to consume his callousness and the vehement heat of the fire wrung from him at once a song and a sacrifice. “Oh! thought I, when the fire of affliction draws songs of praise from us, then indeed are we purified and our God is glorified!

Perhaps some of us are like this old oak log; – cold, hard and insensible; we. should give forth no melodious sounds were it not for the fire which kindles round us, and releases tender notes of trust in Him, and cheerful compliance with His will. As I mused the fire burned and my soul found sweet comfort in the parable so strangely set forth before me. Singing in the fire! Yes, God helping us if that is the only way to get harmony out of these hard, apathetic hearts, let the furnace be heated seven times hotter than before.” How the suffering ‘wife had caught the spirit and faith of her husband, who, in his sufferings, later on, wrote words almost to the same effect as the foregoing!”

“Nature never betrayed the Heart who Loved her”

~William Blake

“To see a word in a grain of sand,

or a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

and eternity for an hour.”

~Willliam Blake

The Story of Zac Smith from NewSpring Media on Vimeo.

Lately, I have been required, in order to maintain sanity, to simply write to myself. To dissociate myself from my circumstances and be a third party observer if you will. While I wholly recommend a confidant or friend for this process, I have found insights in stepping back and learning to get out of my emotion, therefore weakening the power of emotion until it has a much diminished role. I despise “feelings” at times. I have found them to be insidious, blinding, way too influential, and thieves of reason. In listening to a message on youtube, I was jarred by how the temptations of Jesus so mirrors what we experience. The speaker framed the theme of the desert experience as: Jesus was asked to meet a legitimate God given need in an illegitimate way. I fear for myself, that I am so vulnerable to the crafty deception that so easily can ensnare me. I feel the need as legitimate, but seem to rely on my wisdom for the fulfillment of the need. After we’re through reading the verse in Jeremiah 29 about his plans (11) roll on down to v.13 where God says “you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” “All”, really. I’m not sure I have ever sought “all” of anything. Maybe when I was sixteen and stricken by a particular female.  But lately, my devotions are as scattered as my thoughts. Imagine that. We must prioritize our devotions, and reclaim the meaning in them. Why were they devotions in the first place? I cannot let, as does the addict,  the impulse meet my legitimate need rather than going and listening to the only source that can meet the true, root cause of what I feel. All the time guarding against the insidious themes of many feelings. Trust in God or emotions. To quote The Fray: “Sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing to do.”

So often as I sit in my little barrel chair, I listen to the needs of individuals, kids, adults, couples, and hear a theme over and over. “I’m stuck.” “We’re stuck.” While any therapist would love to offer the “magic pill,” this dynamic of self/relationships is way too common and stubbornly rigid. It has been described as  set in stone and would require heavy machinery to dislodge. While the merits of contemporary therapeutic interventions most truly have there place, I recall a mentor sharing with me a profound truth. A seasoned pastor and counselor, he said, “Chad, I must say, after  thousands of sessions with couples I can say with confidence couples who pray together rarely present with the depth and toxicity of problems those who do not seek God jointly present with.”  As of now, I see this axiom, if you will, making its truth known in the realm of my work. Your God is Too Small, wrote J.B. Phillips. A read you won’t forget by the way. The breadth of his grace extends way beyond our most taxing and monotonous problems. God does not want us to live in the monotony of “stuck” relationships, relationship with, sin, or any other system encumbering us to feeling trapped without reason.  Remember, He is in the business of streaking into this world and changing the circumstances of his children. Timing I cannot speak to, his intention for you, I can!

Today, in some readings, I stumbled across this list of “prioritizing” which struck me enough to actually write it down in my appointment book. I wonder how different my life would be, along with how the feelings of transient apathy, the mundane, the eternal search for meaning, etc… would be different if I applied the following:

1. Have an excellent attitude

2. Faithfulness and diligence at work

3. Personal purity of the highest caliber

4. Consistency in my walk with God

I think this would be good bathroom mirror/scotch tape material before I begin each day. Thoughts…

*taken form Charles Swindoll’s Insight for Living Daily Devotional

Check out the videos on this site: http://monvee.com/Marketing/videos.aspx  . I was really struck by “the chair” segment. When we are true people of restoration, whether it is furniture, or any object in need of repair (sound familiar), the true craftsman takes his time. As I watched the guy strip the door or chair, I noticed no hurry, I noticed an appreciable attention to detail. I noticed his confidence that the task would be complete. Otherwise, I really would have doubted he meant what he said about “loving what he does.” It is hard to love that which is incomplete. Inaccurate perceptions of self often whisper messages that we are incomplete, or worse, when we strip away the grime, paint, veneer, what lies beneath is not worth restoring. Quite an effective message from the enemy. If we listen long enough, these messages of despair take root and become very difficult to remove. However, thank God, he can take care of the task. Check out Romans 7, the part where Paul discusses his shortcomings. Prayerfully consider his conclusion in the last verse. I want to lose this dichotomy of self, no more feeling as two people, why I need to feel like two people? Be patient with who you really are. The handiwork of the Father, the child, the embraced.

Thank all of you who have contacted me regarding my absence. Really have had to look hard into the mirror lately and have not liked the reflection on some pretty significant matters. I guess its always a “sign” when a friend confronts you on a matter and your initial reaction is anger of defensiveness. I found myself in this place. I did not know my rationalizations were so plentiful. A keen focus on more trust in all realms, particularly those with “safety nets,” money, and simply knowing that what I “own,” I really do not own. I find myself asking if all the pursuits that tend to inflate accounts, my facade of self, personal goals really lead me to more happiness? When I put myself next to those who seem much less interested in inflation, I really cannot say I am truly any happier. A friend, whom I spoke with last night, made the point he is materialistic and really wished he wasn’t. I do not want to be materialistic and somehow hope I am not. I do long for simplicity. But do I long for it enough to change? Is this not the question all of us face at some point? Whether we face simplicity via volitional choice or circumstances beyond our control. I want to put the blinders on much like a race horse, and look to the Father who has promised I am taken care of. I really covet any thoughts those of you who follow might add.

Peace,

c